This morning after a sleepless night I was worried sick that my leg injury force me to quit before the long had even started, those first few tentative steps followed by an even few more tentative km's and finally the relaxation that my leg would not cause me to falter and I as i ran past 32 km's and slowed to walk back in and join the others. I felt that exhausted sense of completion and satisfaction.
But more than that it was after over a cup of coffee it was words of wisdom and sanity that will shape the rest of my running life from this moment on. Being told that a green monster sits on your shoulder and that at times I am no longer fun to run with hurts, it hurts a lot but at the same time it was the wake up call that I needed at the moment because for to long now, I have not been the same runner and it is time to change within and that is all I want to do.
Become that runner that realizes what it takes to be a good friend and a running partner. Understand that my ideas and goals are not shared by others and be prepared to take a minute or two before saying things. We all deal with bad runs and down times in different ways and my way is not the way for others. Support and be a friend when needed and at other times let my friends deal with issues in their own personal ways and listen to them by being there.
I want to get back to running for fun and I am determined to find the spark again. For too long know I have let my own demons affect the way I run since the beginning of this year. I am the runner I am and not the person who seeks to empty a poisoned chalice of previous angst and that is what I am going to change.
Starting today I have new goals and dreams and not one of them involves anything that has happened or gone previously. For all my running friends be prepared for a new (just like the old, but better). I regret the runner I became and how I lost the sense of joy of just having fun. My goals now are simple to be a friend who gets the simple pleasure of watching the soles of our shoes wear down.
I want nothing more than to wake up and accept that I am the runner I am, and how someone else runs and what times they do has no impact on me anymore. I want to cross the line with friends and know that we have run the best we can through the highs and lows and have enjoyed every minute, every kilometer.
If I want to run hard then in my own time I will, but for the moment the friendship and fun of starting a long run in the dark is all I want and to listen as to how I can be a better friend as we make our way thru the dark forest with only the sounds of our breathing and the slap of shoes on the trail.